Ask the Dating Coach
By Lea Friese-Haben
A Weighty Clause
Dear Coach Lea,
I love my fiancé and was shocked with the prenuptial agreement he just presented to me. The bulk of the prenup is standard; however, one clause in particular really caught me by surprise. I am not allowed to weigh more than our premarriage weight of 110 pounds. (I even have three months after all pregnancies to get back to my pre-baby weight.) If I break either of these, I will be fined and it can also mean that I forfeit everything. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? I love “Jack” and want to marry him, but I am not sure if I should sign this agreement.
Signed,
110 and Holding
Dear 110,
I would love to tell you that this surprises me, but unfortunately, it does not. Today’s society is filled with frivolous lawsuits, unrealistic expectations, and people looking for an exit to marriage before they even have a ceremony. My question to you is, Why would you even consider something like this? I am not against prenuptial agreements; however, I find this one to be horrible. Ask your fiancé to take this clause out of the agreement. If he refuses, you may want to reconsider your future with this man. I can tell you from personal experience and as a mother of three children that this is not a realistic expectation. It took me three months after my last child to get back to my normal weight, but even then, the weight was distributed differently. Expectations such as these could not only cause undue stress but may even promote eating disorders. Make him take out the clause. If he refuses, than you know that he merely wants a trophy and not a wife.
Meeting in Smoky Chatrooms
Dear Coach Lea,
I have a terrible feeling that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have been with “Alan” for almost four years, and we have lived together for almost two of them. Lately, he has been spending more time online and has even added a password to the computer that we share. In addition to spending a lot of time online, he shuts down the computer whenever I walk into the room. He has begun wearing clothes that I have been begging him to wear, he’s working out for the first time in years, and is making an effort on his appearance as well as wearing cologne. I asked him if there was someone else but he denies it. I still can’t help but feel that he is lying to me. What should I do? I feel so betrayed.
Dear Betrayed,
I know exactly how you feel. I have been in your shoes before—the Internet makes it easy for cheaters to cheat. Trust your instincts, as they are always right. If he tells you he needs space, it is because he has already found someone else to put in your space. Your next move should be to move out and surround yourself with friends and family who love you. Be warned, however—when the dew is off the latest rose, he may try to come back. If you decide to take him back, he will most likely stray again, as he knows that you will always be there. Look for the good guys instead of the bad boys, and you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run. Good luck, and let me know how things go.