Fitness Friends Guide the Path
Finding Love and Forgiveness for My Father
By Keith Jones
Fitness has been an amazing gateway to meeting extraordinary people. These fellow health-conscious people have helped me transform important areas of my life. The biggest impact was in the area of personal relationships—with my stepfather, in particular.
My stepfather was by far the most prominent male figure in my childhood. I had long dismissed our relationship as a painful part of my past that didn’t affect me as an adult. I was so wrong. My fitness friends helped me see how important it was to achieve closure on that part of my past so that other relationships could flourish.
Before getting to that point, I had to revisit my youth. My stepfather was someone I resented. I viewed his alcoholism as weakness. The abuse we suffered at his hand created hatred for him within me. As I matured, I pushed those painful years deep inside and was sure I would never deal with them again. I was wrong.
My story about how awful my childhood unconsciously manifested in almost every area of my life. My vow to be everything my stepfather was not turned me into a perfectionist. I judged everyone through this prism. Feeling alone and unloved caused me to withhold love and authenticity in my relationships. I never fully committed to anyone.
My primary channel for my feelings was conversing with people I met during exercise. Through their unconditional love, I developed the courage to take on my past. I came to realize that my stepfather did the best he could with what he knew. I called him and shared my true feelings. I told him how the events of my childhood had hurt me; how I interpreted his actions as abusive, harmful, and destructive to my spirit; and what my interpretation of those times had cost me—happiness in my life. By blaming him for everything, I was choosing to be right about resenting him rather than being happy. I apologized for the bitterness I carried for him, and thanked him for adopting me when my biological father chose not to be in my life. We created a new possibility for peace in our relationship.
I have my fitness friends to thank for this. This Father’s Day, have an authentic conversation with your father in which you do not place blame, but instead create a new possibility for a real relationship.