By Lea Friese-Haben

Dear NV readers—I’ve received an unbelievable quantity of mail in reaction to Tiger Woods’s indiscretions. The following are two such letters.

Noticing Links

Dear Lea,

I am really upset about the whole Tiger Woods story. I too have had a philandering husband. [Woods’s] wife, Elin, is beautiful and a great mother who has shied away from the press—choosing to make a somewhat normal life for her family. They are still pretty much newlyweds—I don’t get it…My husband and I were only married a year when I found out about the first of his thirteen affairs. I guess I thought Tiger was different. My son has looked up to him as a role model. If Elin Woods can’t keep her husband faithful, how can the rest of us ever hope to have a faithful, loving relationship?

Unlucky in Love

Dear Unlucky,

You are not alone. Many people were upset with the news of Tiger’s affair. (That is the problem with putting people on pedestals—the fall is far). I would like to point out, however, that it is a private matter, and unfortunately, because of Tiger’s celebrity status, there are probably some inaccuracies. I had to reread your letter—I am shocked that you stayed married to a man who has had thirteen affairs, if indeed you did. I don’t really have enough information to go on regarding your situation, so my response will be somewhat generalized. There seem to be a few common trends when it comes to infidelity. Some men do have sex addictions, but I have found that most married men are not looking for a one-night stand—they are looking for a lost connection. It is rare for this to happen in the short span of a year (it’s generally five to seven), but my male clients have revealed to me over and over again that they feel neglected and saddened by their wives’ loss of interest in them. The majority of the men I have consulted feel that their wives are preoccupied with the house and the kids and that they have become an afterthought. Once the relationship becomes a roommate situation, it becomes more difficult to resolve. I also hear that men are bored with the same dull routine. They like their wives to change things up—sexy lingerie once in a while, for instance. (A sexy text or a seductive voicemail can do a lot to keep the home fires burning hot). One of the most important things to remember is that men need to feel appreciated and wanted. (As human beings, we all want to feel special to someone. Men do feel deeply—they just communicate it differently). Although infidelity is not at all justified, most of the time it comes as a result of both parties and not just the one who had the affair.

Lea

Hold That Tiger, Buddy!

Dear Lea,

I read your columns and find your advice pretty much dead on most of the time. I am writing to you about the Tiger Woods story. I am about Tiger’s age and have been married about five years and am considering having an affair. My wife is completely preoccupied with our 3-year-old. She wears T-shirts and boxers to bed and has lost all interest in me sexually. I consider myself lucky if we have sex once a month. I am attractive and work out and keep myself in shape—women in my office find me attractive, and a couple have asked me out. I love my wife, but I can’t stand the fact that she is letting herself and our relationship go. She got me into reading your columns, so I am hoping you choose to print my letter. I just feel so rejected by her.

P.S. I am an avid golfer. I have hidden my golf clubs after the violence Tiger experienced. LOL.

Avid Golfer

Dear Avid Golfer,

I am glad that you decided to write about rather than act on your current options. I don’t know whether you have talked to your wife about your concerns, but you should if you haven’t. I have had a small child a home and know that sometimes it’s tough to feel sexy when you are dealing with dirty diapers and sleep deprivation. It is really important during these times, however, to stay connected and communicate. You may want to take a few things upon yourself, such as buying her some pretty clothes as well as lingerie and treat her to a day at the spa. Let her know how beautiful she is and that you want to make her feel special. A lot of overwhelmed moms are tired and feel less than sexy. If you help her in subtle ways to feel good about herself, you will reap the benefits. I really think you will see big dividends with just a just a few small gestures. (Ever notice how we are drawn to people who make us feel good about ourselves?) Make her feel special and important and communicate with her—then you won’t have to hide the golf clubs. Keep me posted!

Lea

Final Thought

Staying connected is vital and is the responsibility of both parties. It really does take two to make a relationship work, to ensure that the “worse” portion of “for better or for worse” is but a fleeting moment in time. One party should not be expected to shoulder all the responsibility.

FOR HER

Women can never have too much jewelry, so consider this 14k white-gold custom ring with two-carat heart-shaped pink sapphire and diamonds for the special woman in your life. $3,000 at Treasures Custom Jewelers. (623) 486-7875 or treasuresforyou.com

It’s true that (most) women love chocolate, but not just the chocolate that comes in a box. Or in ice cream cartons, in fancy-restaurant desserts, and coating fresh strawberries. Chocolate facials are one of the many other delightful forms of chocolate, and Par Exsalonce is offering one such tempting treatment for Valentine’s Day. The antioxidant-rich chocolate smoothes and refines skin and is a wonderful stress reliever. At a special price of $120, but must be ordered by February 13. parexsalonceaz.com

FOR HIM

Treat your guy to some high-quality pampering at one of V’s Barbershop’s seven Valley locations. Yes, you could get him that much-needed haircut or a straightedge shave, but V’s also carries some top men’s grooming products, framed sports-themed artwork, and more. vbarbershop.com

Keep him on time with a Luminox EVO Navy SEALs Dive Watch from Cabela’s. It’s a handsome timepiece with highly scratch-resistant sapphire glass crystal—perfect for when he’s out working, playing, or hunting—and a stainless steel case that protects it from moisture to a depth of 660 feet—most desirable for when he takes you on that trip to the Caribbean….$549.99 or $649.99 (steel bracelet) at cabelas.com

FOR BOTH

For more personalized, individual gifts or those that are rare or hard to find, consider antiquing! The Brass Armadillo Antique Mall boasts over 600 antique dealers and features aisles filled with collectibles of every sort, from Depression glass to military items to Star Wars memorabilia. It’s the perfect place to shop for either men or women. (602) 942-0030 or brassarmadillo.com/phoenix

Exotic trips are a special way to celebrate love, and India is rich with romantic getaway spots, gorgeous architecture, festive traditions, vibrant dress, intimate dining, and sensual spices. It has more than the enchanting Taj Mahal to entice couples looking for a new and exciting experience. tourindia.com or india-unveiled.com

Perhaps you and your special someone would rather not stress over dinner reservations and would prefer a romantic evening in instead. Hire a personal chef for your Valentine’s Day meal! Private cooking lessons are also available and are an interactive culinary treat you might consider. chefdujour.com, seasoningsbyrex.com, azcustomcuisine.com, hireachef.com

FOR SINGLES

The single life is an exciting one! No pity gifts necessary. But if you wish to treat your single friend to something nice for Valentine’s Day, a gift certificate to his or her favorite store is a great option. It’s something they can take advantage of alone or with friends, and it gives them money they must spend on something fun, something they like, and something that makes them feel great about themselves!

Forget your own single status and pay a visit to those who are aware of their single status daily. Nursing homes and similar facilities are good places to consider, but you may know of someone in your community or your neighborhood who has lost his or her life partner and could use a little company on this particular day. Go together to a place or an event that was special to your friend and his or her partner, or create brand new adventures for yourselves. Everyone should feel important on Valentine’s Day, and making someone else have a good feeling is one of the greatest gifts you could give.

By Louie Felix

I have been in the matchmaking industry for almost ten years, and I have personally interviewed thousands of single men looking to meet the love of their life. Many of the men that I meet with are over the age of 40 and heterosexual, but have never been married, which is the reason I decided to write this article. Why are so many men over the age of 40 still single? Will a 40-plus male ever be able to take a leap of faith and finally marry the woman of his dreams, or does she slip through his fingers time and time again because she never completely fulfills the image he has in his head of whom he sees himself with in the long term? Has being single for over 40 years caused some men to become commitment-phobes? Do men really want to get married?

In my experience, the answer to that last question for the majority of men is an absolute yes! Do men readily admit to others and themselves that they want the perfect wife and family, or even a committed relationship? Don’t bet on it! There’s a certain level of fear that seems to be at the root of the most common reason why many men over the age of 40 have never been married. Is it fear of commitment, or fear of failure? Fear of making a mistake and choosing the wrong woman, or fear that if she is the right woman, she may eventually not meet or exceed his expectations later in life?

All of the above, actually. In my opinion, most women are more willing to make life sacrifices and risk everything for the man of their dreams. Men are definitely a bit slower with the self realization process when it comes to taking such risks. Basically, what it comes down to is nature versus nurture. As humans, most of us are born with the instinctive need to reproduce. Unfortunately, the nurture side of this equation is what interferes with nature. Each of our individual upbringings determines how we think and what we feel, and also influences the decisions we make as we develop from adolescence into adulthood. This does not only include the influences of the friends and family that surround us but also our life experiences. The most common influences, or reasons why men fear marriage or commitment, generally stem from their parents’ relationship. Men are either afraid that they will end up in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives, or they fear that their marriage will eventually end in divorce. Regardless of the reason, fear’s driving, most of the time.

Women in particular should note that not every man craves the married or family life, but I believe that eventually, most men will wake up and realize that making a lifelong commitment to the woman of their dreams is worth the risk that comes along with making that decision. They will stand proud and bow down on one knee and profess their undying love to their significant other and publicly pledge their willingness to enter into a lifelong partnership, ’til death do they part. One can dream, right? Let’s hope men come to these realizations before their girlfriends become tired of waiting. Tick-tock, tick-tock, gentlemen—your clock is ticking and your princess awaits, but for how long?

By Lea Friese-Haben

Soldier Boy, Oh, My Little Soldier Boy

Dear Lea,

I am 23 years old and am at odds with my friends and family over a soldier I met online. We have not met, but have been writing to each other faithfully for nine months. I am certain that I love him and he has professed his love to me. My parents and friends think that it is stupid and that you can’t fall in love online. I have never felt like this before in my life. Am I kidding myself, or can I love him? Is it possible to love someone you haven’t even met?

Thanks,
Waiting for My Hero

Hi, Waiting,

It is very possible to fall in love online. Match.com has the highest number of marriages resulting from online romance. I like that the two of you are communicating and that there isn’t the possibility of a random booty call. You are really getting to know each other and establishing a solid foundation based on communication instead of sex. Years ago, war brides were pen pals to soldiers—this seems to be the more modern venue. You will have to meet at some point, but you have established a long and meaningful connection, which will serve your relationship well. Chemistry and attraction will also come into play, but with good communication and photographs, I think that your love can be very real! I would also invite you to try Skype, a software program that lets you make free calls to anyone else Skyping on the Internet. You can see each other and talk on your computer. I am excited for you—and please thank your soldier for his service. Keep me posted.

Bringing the Inside Out

Dear Lea,

I am recently divorced and find myself on the market again after twenty-two years of marriage. I realize that I have neglected my appearance, but I am wondering, outside of surgery, is their anything that I can do? When I went to your Web site, I noticed that we are about the same age, but I look about ten years older. What is your secret? I have been on six Internet dates and they have all been disasters. I know I have a few pounds to lose, but am not sure what else is available. My husband left me for a younger woman nine months ago and I am devastated. However, I look at you and other women our age, and it gives me hope. Can you help me?

Ready to Work

Hi, Ready,

Thank you for the kind words. I do have a few ideas for you, but first, confidence is very sexy. If you don’t feel good about your appearance, how can you ever expect a man to? The best way to take years off is to be happy. Do things you love to do. Rediscover yourself. Men are attracted to women who have a life. They want to be part of your world but don’t want to be ultimately responsible for it. Here are a few other tips. Updating your hairstyle can be very dramatic and can take years off. Don’t smoke—smoking adds lines to your face, especially around the mouth—limit alcohol, exercise, and eat right. Drink plenty of water, take necessary vitamins, and perhaps consult a naturopathic doctor for other natural ways to enhance your body or visit a licensed dermatologist or plastic surgeon who can recommend a nutritious cream for your skin. Ask your physician for recommendations. All of these things are good, but there is no substitute for a positive attitude. In order to get what you want, you have to be what you want to attract. You get to design your own life, Ready. Make it a good one!

Depression is a Disease

Dear Lea,

I am writing to you on behalf of my single 29-year-old daughter who is overweight and has never had a date before in her life. I see the depression in her and I worry about her, as she is now borderline diabetic. We have tried everything. She wants to be in relationship desperately, and it just won’t happen, given her weight. The more depressed she gets, the more she eats. I don’t know what to do. Her friends and sisters are all married, and I see the pain that causes her. We have tried just about everything—you name the program. Do you have any suggestions?

Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom,

Obesity is a huge problem in the United States. I have found that most of my clients with weight issues are stuffing feelings and problems with food. I do not believe in diets and believe that health professionals should be involved. Your daughter’s emotional and physical health are at risk. Your daughter may even be covered by insurance. If your daughter wants love in her life, she needs to start with love of self. Be sure to contact your physician and ask him or her to recommend a doctor who can prescribe a complete program under doctor’s care to safely ensure weight loss. Good luck to you and your family.

Lea

By Louie Felix

Being single during the holiday season is all about perception and frame of mind. When the holidays loom, many singles get the dreaded thought of “I don’t want to be single again this holiday season!” If you are single and can relate, then there’s hope for you.

It helps to make an assessment and have an understanding of the reasons why you have not found yourself in a relationship. There are many things you can do to take control of your mistletoe experience this holiday season and ensure that you kiss your way into an exciting New Year with a great new relationship.

For starters, create a list of all of the qualities and characteristics you are looking for in a partner. If you’re thinking, “If I knew what I wanted, then I wouldn’t still be single,” it may be true, but there are a few tricks that can help you discover the kind of person you’re really looking to meet. This could guide you to your perfect match.

I believe that most people are single because they are focusing on chemistry and looks rather than the true knowledge or understanding about whom they should be with for the long term. I love to ask singles, “When was the last time you broke up with someone because they were unattractive?” The answer to that question is simple: never. Chemistry is usually the driving force behind the beginning of a relationship—everything else is usually secondary.

Chemistry is important to start that relationship bubbling, but after the honeymoon period—generally the first three to six months of a relationship—the electrons usually stop whirling and you see the simple elements of the person. In most cases, it’s not the same person you thought you were going into the relationship with because your primary focus was physical or illusory and not deep-rooted compatibility or commonality.

Back to your list. The first thing you should do is evaluate your past three dates or relationships from your own perspective. Think about the qualities you really liked about your dates or partners. It is imperative to focus your thoughts on the positive qualities, personality traits, and characteristics rather than the reasons that past relationships didn’t work out. Next, think about the qualities you believe that your past dates or partners really liked about you. You need to see yourself through the eyes of your past partners—it may not be easy, but it can be an eye-opening experience. In most cases, when you focus on the positive qualities about your past relationship situations, it will help you to become more aware of who you are and what you are really looking for in a partner. As a bonus. self-awareness helps to build self-esteem, and people want to surround themselves with confident, positive people.

Knowledge is power, so use this self-assessment and evaluation process and apply the “new you” when you start to open up to potential new partner candidates. Do it carefully, but make it quick, because the holidays are upon us. Attend holiday parties and ask your friends to start introducing you to new and exciting people who may be potential relationship candidates. Consider posting your new updated profile on a popular dating site or hire a matchmaker to introduce you to people.

It’s time to make a conscious decision to change your current single situation. Envision yourself in a fantastic relationship with the person of your dreams. If you can see it, and you believe it will happen, then it’s up to you to make it happen.

By Lea Friese-Haben

She Took Her Love to Town

Dear Lea,

I can’t believe that I am writing to you, as I am shocked to be in this situation. I am 39 years old, successful in business, married fourteen years with three beautiful children. My wife now says she wants to leave me for another man, who is also married. She went on a “girl trip” in April to San Diego and met someone there, and has been secretly carrying on ever since. I don’t know what to do. One minute, she says that it as just a fling and that it’s over, but yet she is still texting him. The next I know, she is cleaning out our checking account, maxing out our credit cards, and moves out while I am at work. My poor kids are a mess and are so confused. I love her and yet I am not sure that I can ever forgive her or trust her after all of this. Her parents and sisters are in shock and have fortunately sided with me. I am dumbfounded. What should I do?

Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,

I see this all the time with women who are about to turn 40. Most of the time it is not about you—it’s about her and what she feels she may be missing. She is feeling insecure about herself and is looking for validation outside herself as well as outside the marriage. I would do what you can to protect your finances and try to get her into counseling. Some marriages can be salvaged after infidelity, but honestly, the percentages are small, and it takes a lot of work to earn the trust back. Make sure that the children and you receive the necessary counseling. This is usually a phase and she will probably try to keep you as a safety net or try to come back once it is over. The other man involved probably won’t leave his wife, as it is rare that they ever do. She will want to come back after the relationship fails. It’s my personal and professional belief that if people stray once, they will probably stray again. My advice is to take care of yourself and your children and be very careful with your heart and your finances. Good luck, and keep me posted.

Lea

Don’t Dress Like a Cub

Dear Coach Lea,

I saw you on the news recently and you had given a woman a “Cougar Makeover.” My sister desperately needs your help. My niece and nephew are horrified with her wardrobe and her behavior. I read your columns and I hope that she will heed your advice as a professional, as nothing my mom and I have said has made a difference. She is dating a guy that is only five years older than her son. I wish I could have taped that newscast, as she is worse than the cougar you had on the show. I would love for her to meet a great guy, but she never will as long as she continues on this path. Can you define a cougar-gone overboard the way you did on the news? My sister is 42 trying to be 20, and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing to be seen with her. I loved the classy makeover you did for the cougar on the show.

Thank you,
Concerned Sis

Dear Sis,

I had lots of phone calls, e-mails and Facebook comments after that show. For future reference, that episode aired on FOX 10 on July 28 and is archived on the Web site at myfoxphoenix.com.

Cougar-Gone-Bad Checklist

• Overdone breasts

• Overly injected lips

• Bad hair extensions

• So much Botox that all facial expression is gone

• Miniskirts (Never after the age of 35)

• Pamela Anderson hair

• Clothes that are too tight or too young

• Dating men that are closer to the age of their children

It is my personal belief that a woman any age and any size can look and feel beautiful with the right help. Real beauty comes from within and radiates outward. If your sister wants happiness in a relationship, she needs to change the bait that she is currently using. A beautiful, confident, sexy woman will always fare better in love than an older woman trying too hard to look too young. My advice is to quit living in the past and make the most of what you have! Have her contact me. Keep me posted and tell her to check out the video.

Lea

By Louie Felix

You would think being single in 2009 is easy, right? You have all the wisdom of the past, along with the most advanced technology of the present. Singles looking to meet the love of their lives have all the necessary resources right at their fingertips—the most efficient online singles dating sites, with endless levels of compatibility questions to ensure that they find themselves in healthy, loving relationships. There are dating and relationship coaches to hold their hands all the way to the altar. Their friends and family have “someone they’d love for you to meet because you’re perfect for each other.” In a world with so much help and countless resources to find the love of your life, get married, and have the 2.5 children in the perfect house with the white picket fence—or whatever lifestyle will fulfill your dreams—why are you still single?

It’s time to delete your log-ins and passwords and consider a single solution to your dating predicament. Ready? Matchmakers. Matchmakers will offer you something that none of the online dating sites can: a greater-than-50-percent control of the final outcome of your dates. The fact is, you can’t really ever truly know what someone thinks about you—all you know is what he or she tells you. Matchmakers give both of you an advantage in addition to more control when it comes to dating because they represent both parties.

One of the most common complaints I hear from singles is that dating on their own only offers one perception of the truth behind why someone does or does not want to continue dating you. I believe you should always date with purpose and intention, but what good is dating someone if you don’t have a common big-picture goal, right? Most people I speak to who are considering hiring a matchmaker are tired of continually meeting people who are not looking for the same type of relationship. Matchmakers personally interview everyone they’re considering matching you with, which means that you’re only going to be matched with people who share similar core values, personality traits, family background, and religion or spirituality. Imagine what it would be like to only be introduced to people who share similar interests and goals, who share the same core values, who are looking for the same type of relationship you are looking for and, best of all, who share amazing chemistry with you. With the help of a matchmaker, there’s not that much of a predicament—it’s a single solution that may help you turn your relation goal into a relationship reality!

By Lea Friese-Haben

I am always flooded with questions about dating a co-worker. The following letter is a prime example of the dynamics involved in these situations. This is such a common question that I felt it important to address it for you.

Dear Coach Lea,

I have been with my company for about a year, and we just recently brought in a new manager. The problem is that we are very sexually attracted to each other. We are both single, but I fear for my position. I find myself going in early and leaving late. We have had cocktails a few times, and he has let me know in no uncertain terms that he would like to see me. I am just afraid that if it goes badly, it could hurt my position—especially since it’s a downturned market. It has been so rough out there finding someone decent to date. I think it just happened because of the long hours we have spent in the office. My immediate problem is now I think I love him. How do I keep him and my job? Please, Lea, give me some insight, as I am feeling desperate.

Signed,
Heart Throbbing Nine-to-Five

Dear Heart Throbbing,

I know how frightening your position can be. I have had three similar letters from different readers over the last month alone. Your situation is not unique, but it does have some perks and pitfalls that you need to be aware of. I will not tell you what to do, but I will tell you to assess the situation and not let your emotions completely take over. I have created a list of different types of work-romance scenarios below—yours among them. Put your own situation on paper and know that you are putting your position at risk. Please read on and please keep me posted.

BONUSES AND PENALTIES

Although office romances are often a bad idea, they aren’t forbidden in the way that they used to be. If you decide to date someone in the office pool, you should use a little common sense. The best thing to do is not enter into an office romance at all. But if you must, here are a few tips that will help keep your job intact.

1. Date an equal in the company. Never date a superior or a subordinate. A superior may fire you if either of you—especially you—wants to end the relationship. Furthermore, a subordinate can claim sexual harassment. In fact, so can an equal.

•  

  • If you are the superior in a well-known office tryst, it can tend to make others uncomfortable and it can also make you the office joke. You risk a sexual harassment claim, ridicule by your colleagues, and seriously diminished authority with other subordinates—as well as possible dismissal for cause.

•  

  • Never go out with a direct superior or subordinate. Surveys show that a greater number of corporate employees are risking superior/subordinate romance. If you’re going to engage in this highly risky behavior, you’d better be sure this is going to go all the way to matrimony.

2. Never enter into an office romance if either of you is married. Then you hurt people other than yourselves.

Lastly, keep in mind that although office romances are commonplace these days, the risks are high for job loss or worse. You never know how someone will react during a breakup.

By Lea Friese-Haben

Dating Bailout?

Dear Coach Lea,

I have been dating for a couple of years and I have always managed to budget date nights. However, the current economy has really put a damper on that. My commission is down, the value of my house is ridiculous, and my 401 K is in the toilet. Do I continue to fork out the cash for date night?

Thanks,

Mike

Hi Mike,

I understand how you feel, but there are things that you can do that don’t cost a lot of money. There is a lot of fear and negativity surrounding the current economy, but it shouldn’t prevent you from dating. My advice is to scale back—save the expensive dinners for “relationship potential” versus “casual date.” Picnics, day hikes, bicycling, and a nice Sunday drive can be fun. Perhaps some of this scaling back will bring back an appreciation for the simpler things. Holding hands while strolling through the park continues to be a timeless romantic classic. (I still love it after all these years.) Remember, it’s the little things that mean the most. If a woman isn’t satisfied with the small things, move on, as she will never be happy, and you will be wasting your time and money. Thanks for writing, and keep me posted.

Lea

Take Your Cake off His Dessert Plate

Dear Coach Lea,

I have been dating a guy for almost a year and just found out that he’s seeing other women. He has been very secretive and hasn’t been where he said he was going, and he is always texting someone. Brad was just seen dining at “our” restaurant with another woman. I asked him about it and he looked me in the face and lied about it. (I didn’t tell him that my girlfriend got his picture with her on her camera phone). Lea, I love this guy and thought we were on track for marriage and kids. What do I do now? My friends say that he is a player and is trying to have his cake and eat it too. I love him and don’t want the relationship to end, so how can I fix it?

Signed,

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

You cannot fix, save, or change anyone. The changes that need to be made are with you. Your first priority needs to be you. Raise your standards and your self-esteem, as you deserve more. You know the facts despite his lies. It is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones, as they say. Sorry, sweetie, but once a player, always a player. Do yourself a favor and dump the cad, as he will always have someone waiting in the wings. Start spending time with friends and family during this tough time, and you’ll move through it. Take care and keep me posted.

Lea

And Mama Makes Three

Dear Lea,

I have found the greatest guy in the world—the only problem is that his mother is in the relationship, too. Steve is such a great guy and he makes a great living, but he still continues to reside at home with his mom. He is 32 and successful (despite the economy), has been with his company ten years, and is on track to make partner—so why is he living at home? I really like him, but after six months, it is becoming ridiculous. She calls him to see when and if he’s coming home, has managed to get herself invited to a large number of our dinner dates, and to top it all off, she continues to make snide remarks to me in front of him. He moved in with her four years ago after his dad died. (What is the statute of limitations for assisting a parent who has been widowed?) I can’t let her win—it’s not fair, as he is the best guy I have dated in years. I feel like I am competing with her to be in a relationship with my boyfriend.

Signed,

Competitor

Dear Competitor,

You are in an unhealthy competitive triangle. It sounds like your boyfriend is the quintessential mama’s boy, and Mom is calling all the shots. These relationship dynamics rarely work without some intervention, such as family counseling. You will have to call him on it and risk ending the relationship. This is quite unhealthy for both of them. The mom needs to find a life of her own and quit trying to live through Steve. There is usually some guilt that needs to be addressed. Talk to Steve honestly about your concerns and be prepared to walk away, as it will have to be his decision. There are some positive qualities about a man who looks out for his mom; however, only in moderation. Good luck, and please keep me posted.

Lea

Photography by Eyes 2 See Photography

 
It couldn’t have been a more beautiful Arizona winter day on the afternoon of December 30, 2008 when Nicole Bennett wed Daniel Johnson at FireSky Resort & Spa.

North Valley Magazine partnered with wedding planner Aleasha Shelton for an unprecedented wedding giveaway last spring, and Dan and Nicole were selected from scores of applicants because of their extraordinary community involvement and volunteerism. For two people who give so much of their time, energy, and talents, it was only fitting that they would in turn be given a wedding of a lifetime.

Some of the Valley’s best wedding experts came together to make this celebration a dream for the happy couple. Once their December date was chosen, an elegant Christmas theme was developed. Invitations and programs were custom printed with an elegant snowflake motif. Nicole found the perfect dress. Everything was in place as the sun shone through the trees, and evergreen and red roses surrounded the open-air ceremony garden. Nicole and Dan took their vows and their very first kiss ever before 100 family members and friends.

As the reception began, guests were greeted by centerpieces shaped as wrapped Christmas gift boxes with bows atop made completely of flowers. Luxurious linens in deep reds and greens draped the tables. The setting was perfect as the newlyweds took their first dance together—only after making a point to grab the microphone to thank friends, family, and even the wedding professionals. As the reception came to a close, guests were invited to take home a tree ornament made custom for the occasion. Now every year, as each family decorates their tree, they will remember the special day they shared with Dan and Nicole at their wedding.

North Valley Magazine would like to once again thank the wedding professionals who made this incredible wedding giveaway possible:

A Day to Cherish Weddings
adaytocherishweddings.com

FireSky Resort
fireskyresort.com

Eyes 2 See Photography
eyes2see.com

The Invitation Lady
theinvitationlady.com

Bing’s Floral
bingsfloral.com

Brides by Demetrios
demetriosbride.com

Tri-Rentals
Deborah Beggs
trirentals.com

Creative Touch Entertainment
creativetouchentertainment.com