Tips to ride out living and working in one of the hottest spots around (aka the Valley of the Sun

If you’re unlucky enough to be stuck in the Valley during our nearly never-ending summer, writer M.D. Thalmann offers up some tips to ride out living and working in one of the hottest spots around.

It was recently pointed out to me that I’m a broken record around the holidays, and I couldn’t help but agree. As a satirical columnist, I try to make light of serious things; it’s a valuable weapon in my arsenal, but again, I do have an arsenal. I should not be a guy with only a plunger and who thinks all of life’s problems are clogged toilets. What a life!

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, I’m here to present to you the things you should be doing as this summer gets rolling.

The winter is long gone, spring only lasts a day or two, and now the heat rolls in. If you aren’t prepared, it can really take the wind out of your sails. Here is a quick checklist of things you need to have ready before the devil arrives, bringing his favorite weather along with him.

Stay the Thirst, My Friend: You need to make sure that a gallon of water goes into your body each day.

Margaritaville: You and your strange friend Olaf, who loves summer for some reason, should make sure that you have a frozen margarita by the pool. I suggest a portable blender and loads of tequila! Do you want to drink a margarita? Doesn’t have to be a margarita! (That’s a totally original song I just made up, and definitely not from a Disney movie.) There are some pretty cool coolers available that can be chick magnets but will most likely draw the usual cast of characters.

SPF 1000: That’s right, sunblock. It’s not just for grannies and nerds anymore. Research is pretty solid about prolonged exposure to UV light leading to skin cancer, and other research definitely shows that having skin cancer is no bueno. Let’s focus on looking good for a lifetime and not bake ourselves into a leather sofa this summer.

Sleep Mask and Blackout Curtains: The sun gets up way too early in the summer and can really spoil your weekend plans of sleeping in and lounging. Invest in a fabulous velvet sleep mask and embroidered blackout curtains and pretend to live the life of luxury by sleeping in past 6 a.m. Ok, in my kid-filled house, that is a luxury.

Wax the Legs: You’re going to want to wear short shorts (don’t deny it), so let’s lose the winter coat of fur. Ladies, you too.

Camping Gear: Even if you think sleeping outdoors and bathing in a lake are worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, it’s a much better option than staying in the city (aka heat island).

Application for Summer Camp: Get it filled out and submitted pronto—otherwise, your kids are just gonna be hanging around all day asking for rides and food and such.

Oy vey!